“Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn’t easy. Just something to think about..did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are I love you, I’m sorry, and help me? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile to see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now–let’s start an intention avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all of those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support.”
-A Friend’s Facebook status
My mind is fighting a battle and I’m not sure which side will win. One side believes the worst personality trait a person can have is to “not give a shit” while the other side believe it is being a person who actually cares. When it comes to business or friendships or especially romantic relationships it seems like the latter might lose…
I am the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve. I may try to come off cool and cut-throat by saying I really don’t care, but anyone who knows me knows the opposite: I do care. I care way too much. I can see the same friend go through the same hurt time and time again and instead of throwing my hands in the air and asking, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I coddle them and try to give advice. My thought process is that if I show my love and concern for such friends they will, in turn, do so for me too one day.
Likewise, in romance and love, there is a great deal to lose when so much of one’s happiness and precious experiences are out on a limb. With every single one of my past relationships, I have ended with my arms around the other person, telling them everything (meaning their lives and their issues) will work out. I say this completely wishing their lives do prosper; and knowing full well that I will have no part in that success. Sometimes I feel as if me saying this actually hurts more than the break up.
This is what makes me question whether being a caring person is a good thing. It seems that those who don’t care are a lot happier. Being the person who doesn’t text or call back, who waits for the other person to make the first move, or who acts like he/she could care less if the other person ever stepped into their life again make life look easier. Why place yourself in potential danger like those who do care about romance and love? You’ll never experience a broken heart, and that’s enough in itself to make a person wish to never care again. Heartbreak is depressing and devastating and a really long journey to returning to “okay” again.
But the thing is, what sort of lives do non-shit-givers lead? I have found that the heartbreak journey is a route that makes you find yourself. You discover faults in yourself that can be fixed, and you realize faults in your ex that help mold your “ideal partner” for your future. When your heart has been broken, the journey is worth facing even when the relationship hasn’t gone the path you’d hoped. Acting as someone who doesn’t care, you never get to travel this journey, do you? You convince yourself that you’re fine even when you’re not.
I don’t know from experience, because I do care about the relationships in my life, but it seems to me that caring is part of humanity. It is human to want love and to want to be taken care/take care of someone else. To deny that want is to deny who you are. Not giving a damn doesn’t make you healthier or stronger or wiser or cooler, and it definitely doesn’t make you happier. You just start to feel less and less, until all your feelings just… aren’t.
I guess I’ve answered my own question: being a caring person is not the worse trait a person can have. Caring about others does expose you and make you susceptible to hurt more often, but look at the alternative. Not caring is much worse. And the truth is, if you keep acting like you don’t care, people will start believing you. No matter how perfectly lonely and alone a person is, everyone needs somebody sometimes.
Life is short and people are too busy to chase after your uncaring-self. There’s no saying that when the right person comes they’ll be able to see through your charade, or if you keep telling yourself you don’t care, you might actually start believing it and miss that perfect person.
So I’m going to piece myself back together as the battle is over and continue giving a shit. I’m sure my heart will break in the future again, but I’m okay with that. Let it break. Because it only gets stronger after every person I add to its casualty and it’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.