I hide my fears pretty well; however, most of my decisions are made out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. I have always been afraid of simply being myself because I fear that I might just not be enough.
I thought becoming an adult and doing “adult things” would fix my fear problem. It did not. Over time my life became a list of things I wanted to do but was too afraid to attempt. Years of listening to my self-doubt resulted in a small, deeply uninspiring life. I relied on those around me too much and thought of myself too little. I was terribly self-critical, I struggled with self-deprecating thoughts, and I was directionless. Uncertain of what I was good at and unsure of what I would become. I felt lost.
Now, you may be thinking that this is the way any twenty-something should feel. However, I’ve always prided myself on being a relatively “more mature” twenty-something than my peers. I wanted to know where my life was heading so I could quicken my pace and get to that point in my life. I wanted smooth sailing, but that’s not how things seemed to be panning out.
College was a whirlwind of fears for me. I questioned my major, I questioned my relationship, I questioned my faith. There was not a single aspect of my life that was where I wanted it to be. I feared change. I feared stepping off course, even though I questioned the path I was following anyways. I was beyond confused, and this confusion caused a multitude of troubles.
It was not until my life hit rock-bottom that I — without really understanding the significance of doing so — checked off the first item on my Bucket List and finally stood up to a fear in my life: I began blogging. I began putting myself out to the public and allowing my thoughts and my emotions to be scrutinized by complete strangers. Coming from someone who found it hard to talk to the closest people in her life, this was a huge step. Although I had no way of knowing it at the time, this one small simple decision was about to change the entire direction of my life; I was beginning to take hold of who I was and stop spinning. I was about to pick a direction and begin the trudge of self-discovery…
I think all of us are affected by fear, and doubt, and difficulty. I know I am still and will be for some time. There are so many things in our lives that feel impossible and unchangeable. Thinking about these things makes me feel overwhelmed most of the time. But what if I decided these overwhelming feelings were no longer enough? Life was no longer enough with fear biting at its edges? What if I chose to stand up to those fears rather than be tempted to stay laying down?
I want to begin viewing the confusing, discouraging, and overwhelming obstacles in my life as opportunities for growth. I want to look back in a year and discover that I have become strong in some area of my life where I always assumed I’d be weak.
I have started to believe that fear in my life has a purpose: it is meant to be overcome. I mean, think of like this: When something scares us it is often because we should do it rather than we shouldn’t. If you end up facing the fear in front of you, you will soon reach the other side and that little victory is just enough to push you past the next obstacle. I plan to begin ignoring my fears and live the life I want. With this new outlook on my life, I feel a sense of guarantee that the doors I never dreamed of will now be open for me. I feel more content with my life, and that is all want: to be content and to be happy.
I will now begin to face my fears every day, and I will share them with you in hopes that you will too. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned firsthand, it’s that there is no greater freedom than the freedom of fearlessness.
This blog is the story of my journey and it’s a piece of myself being written for you. I want to encourage you to stand strong against whatever frightening dream lies before you. You are not alone. We’re traveling together to become the best versions of ourselves. We’re traveling to simply become… more.
If you have a story that you think would be inspiring for other readers of Peonies ‘n Mint, please feel free to share! Either comment in the section below or email firstname.lastname@example.org — I am always open to guest writers!