I’m just going to come out and say it, with the risk of having my feminist card revoked: I think it is naive for a woman to utter the “three big words” before a man does. I can attest for a woman asking a man out, making the first move, or even proposing, but when it comes to “I love you.” Ladies, no.
Saying “I love you” is all words, all emotion. There is no action-based response though. When those words are spoken, the recipient either loves you back… or he doesn’t. You can only hear the black or white of a response. “Yes, I love you back.” or “No, I don’t feel that way.” There is no grey space! There is no “Well, I love you a lot and I could possibly fall in love with you some day, but I’m just not there yet.”
The truth is, men typically take longer to process their emotions. They are more cautious about taking their feelings, and thus their relationships, to the next level. So what happens if you get to that level first and express your emotion, and he’s not there yet? You may get a “thank you” or a look of pure terror. And though either of those responses may sting, nothing is worse than coming to realization later that a perfectly happy and healthy relationship was forced off its tracks before being out of eyesight of the station.
Did you know that it is said that love is made in heaven? Hindu mythology says Radha and Krishna were soulmates even though they did not have the privilege of staying together. Greek mythology says God made one body with two faces and two pairs of arms and legs before realizing it was too much and cutting the body in half. God then left the halves to search for one another.
It is not uncommon for people to fall in love. It is not uncommon for people to feel that they have found their soulmate. It is uncommon, however, for people to genuinely feel that “click.” Couples whom people state will be married end up breaking up. Hell, I’ve been one of those couples. This is because, even though in all theories we were good with one another, there was no meaningful reason to stay together. Sometimes you can love someone but lack the components that make you truly and deeply fall for someone. You know, those components that pull you from a lower form of state to a higher form of existence.
If a woman asks a man out and he rejects her, at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesn’t waste any time pining over someone who isn’t interested. Whereas if an “I love you is uttered too soon, before a man has processed his feeling and reached the same level of adoration, could end a relationship that just as easily could have held a longer term. As soon as those words are said, the dynamic changes. If a man isn’t feeling the love yet, he may suddenly feel the pressure and attempt to manifest the emotion. If a woman doesn’t get the response she’s expecting, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the relationship entirely. And all for what? Simply because he has not been given the time to feel that “click” yet.
Personally, I will never say “I love you” first. I’ve won the prize for rotten judgment in the past. (That songs is now playing in your mind, isn’t it? You’re welcome.) So here I am giving advice to the ladies in the world who may or may not need it: if you love a man and want a long relationship with him, give him time. Keep your emotions to yourself for awhile and enjoy in the knowledge that you have fallen for someone who makes you happy. Go with the flow of the relationship and try not to put too much pressure on a good thing.
Remember it always feels good when you start out, but no man is worth the aggravation of crying your heart out. If it comes to the point where you believe he should know his feelings, and you decide you’ve waited long enough, then go ahead and say those three words out loud. But only say them if you’re prepared to let him go…