In reference to this study, the word “alone” will be defined in terms of an intimate and romantic relationship, not as being completely and utterly with one’s self.
I have never been a person who has enjoyed her solace and aloneness up until the past few months. However, ever since Army and I broke up, I have felt this calmness in myself when I think of being alone. I don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings, I don’t have to schedule my days around someone else, and I can completely focus on myself and the things that make me happy. If I had still been in a relationship, I would never have forced myself into new situations (like Ultimate, House, or going out of my way to make new friends). I feel comfortable in my aloneness. It suits me, at least for now.
Unfortunately, it seems that the end goal (aka the “happy ending” our society is so obsessed over) is to find a great partner and experience Life through that relationship. Being happy alone is not a good and fair choice. How many of us who are single come across friends who wrinkle their noses and give pitying glances when we say we’ll be coming to a party alone? How many of us attend family functions and get asked a million times why we didn’t bring a date? Being single is tough, and it’s the majority of those around us at fault.
Let me say that one more time: being single is tough, and it’s the majority of those around us at fault.
If I say I am happy being alone, then I am. If I am not openly looking to date, then I do not want to be with anyone at the moment. If my life is full and content with family and friends and numerous loved ones, then I am doing just fine. I do not need to be an arm ornament or head-over-heels in love to look in a mirror and say, “Life is good.”
It seems to me that being in a relationship is not the greatest achievement someone can muster. Having a significant other is not the epitome of success and being a partner to someone does not increase your worth. There have been so many relationships I’ve watched fail simply because the people in them did not have a fundamental stepping stone on which to build: success as individuals.
In the end, I feel no sense of urgency to find my partner at this time. When I meet someone who makes me feel as if I’ll gain more from partnering with him than being by myself, then that is when I will stop being alone. Until then, I appreciate delving in my own aloneness and not worrying over the other gender’s judgments and whether or not I fall short of their expectations.
As Warsan Shire once wrote:
My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.