With the abundance of time the world seems to be allowing me, I’ve been taking time in the mornings to meditate. This meditation has been crucial for my overall mental well-being during this challenging year. I’ve been searching my soul, talking with God, and reflecting on my well-being with deeper intention. I am a firm believer that my purpose on Earth is to share God’s grace and become the best reflection of His goodness as possible. My morning meditations have been eye-opening to areas I see a need for more effort and work to reach the ideal person I wish to become.
One area I’ve been focusing is listening to my emotions. Underneath the contentment and happiness I find in my life there are murkier colors within how I feel. Bitterness, guilt, shame, resentment. All lurk in the shadows of my mind, stealing away the joy I desire.
I am slowly coming to terms with these darker areas of my being though. I recognize what is needed to relinquish those emotions:
- My bitterness shows me areas I need to heal. There are holes in my soul where I still hold judgment on others and myself. My bitterness allows me to take a step back, reassess past hurts, and let go.
- My guilt helps me reconcile with a person I no longer want to be. It also provides me opportunities to reflect on poor choices and forgive myself. My guilt gives foundation for me to move forward.
- My shame calls out my internal ridicule and identifies beliefs of others about who I am supposed to be. My shame highlights my need to reconnect with myself.
- My resentment burns with the past. Heartache, losses, sadness, disappointments. My resentment is the strongest of my murkier feelings. Recognizing this, I realize my mind wanders to the past too often. My resentment calls me back to the present, and pushes me to look to my future also.
I am not ashamed that my emotions are tinted. Circumstances will always be pushing against the joy of a good, happy livelihood. Reminders and memories pop up. People from my past show up. Life happens.
However, I am attempting to recognize those shadows of my feelings, appreciate their message, and move forward into a more compassionate, kinder, gracious, and understanding lifestyle.
To Him be the glory.