I remember feeling that my 2016 was a horrific year and I just couldn’t wait until 2017 rolled around the corner. I had such high expectations for this year and what it was going to bring me. Or rather, I held high expectations of what the year should not bring me, as a change from 2016. I expected more gains than losses, I expected a lot of love instead of grief and pain, and I expected much happiness, the type of happiness where I wouldn’t spend a single night falling asleep to tears. It’s true how the saying goes, friends, don’t go into anything with expectations because you’ll only be let down.
There has been a lot of discussion in my church lately on the importance of personal testimony and how individual stories can impact the world. Giving testimony on one’s faith is empowering and gives honor and glory to God because we are relaying the story of how He saved us. Peonies ‘n Mint, though loosely based around random discussion on what Life brings to the table, has grown to include more and more discussions on faith and belief as well. I do not usually dive into topics that may cause conflict, as I’m sure anything centering around religion may, but when it comes to my faith, I’m going to choose not to be afraid and go there…
Okay, let me begin by saying: “Did this woman just step into my life?” I mean, seriously. Elite Daily is well known for relating to the mass majority of its target audience, but this article was almost too direct when I read it. I grew up with the type of thinking the author discusses in the following article; I grew up believing I needed to retain to my strict ideals to make all those around me happy. It caused unwarranted stress and poor self-esteem. Being a perfectionist was not something admirable, it was something demanded. Or so I thought. I still fight against the mistaken theory that my role in Life is to please everyone else. I still wrestle with the thought that disappointing others is a true failure on my part and I should be punished. But guess what? I’m not alone in my thinking, and we all know I love to find support with similar conflicts in Life. It’s about time all us Good Girls started making our own rules. “Stop living in someone else’s world, and start creating your own.”
Two years ago, I lost what, I thought, was the basic existence of my life. To read my thoughts and feelings over the time that has passed, I am both humbled and shocked. Humbled that I was granted the blessing of maturing through this time and given wisdom over the past two years. Shocked because I can still remember the emotions felt during what was one of the hardest decisions so far. There is so much I wish I could have known back then…
It feels as if there are a lot of people out there that have not thought about their futures nearly as carefully or hopefully or simply fully as this young man. I came across this article during a late night Facebook scrolling-spree and couldn’t pass up the poetic truth it possesses. It was a pleasure to follow his path through marriage, children, and retirement in only a few short paragraphs and also to feel the faith that I hope I can one day share with a spouse as well.
Originally posted on the Odessey:
I’m writing to you at 19. I don’t know how many 19-year-old guys can truthfully say that they’ve been thinking about their future wife for 11 years, but I sure have. Imagining is sort of my thing, and I do it all the time. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what we’ll be like, and I’ve looked for you in some pretty strange places. I don’t know if I know you yet, but I guess that doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that when looking for something, the mindset one has affects what he finds. So, take a second to look this way.
I’m a Christian, in case that hasn’t been clearly stated yet, friends. I’m a Christian who values her faith and Lord above all things, but I am also human. I ache to love and be loved in return by those I can physically embrace. I’m beside all the people in the world looking for a place to belong, a group to belong to, and a person to make my life better. So when it comes to dating and looking towards the future, my thoughts are a jumble of what I need, who I like, and how the two can intertwine into respect for my faith. I’m not the type of girl to believe there is only “One” person out there for me. I believe there are many people who fit the bill and who are compatible with my beliefs. This fact makes dating even more difficult though… or does it?
A friend of mine posted this article on Facebook a few days ago and the first time I read it through I was like, “Yeah. He is so right. This is what I feel.” I mean it, the entire article speaks so perfectly on my beliefs and morals and faith it’s almost spooky. It is a discussion on society’s views for dating, a personal view of dating, and God’s call for dating. Considering these 10 rules might just make things a little bit easier for those needing the strength and guidance. So for those of my readers who are Christians, I urge you to read through this article. I know it has some length, but Frank’s words are true, justified, and right on point.
One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to try harder or walk away.
Have you ever realized there is only one choice that we make in every moment of Life? The choice to try harder or walk away. From loving ourselves, loving another person, pursuing a passion, succeeding at work, or simply being present, we choose to continue thinking, doing, eating, saying, and being what we are or else we break up with it. There is only one way to do everything, and that is completely or not at all.
The end never happens how you expect. Sometimes the end happens when you expect, or where you expect, but it’s never quite on the dot of how to expect it. Sometimes this is okay. Endings can be good things in Life. The saying goes, “Every ending is a new beginning.” However, sometimes endings are not okay. Sometimes they are a storm of uncertainty, confusion, and sadness that leave you swerving in their wake and flinging yourself into a river of unknown.
One of my top three fears is driving off a bridge into a river. Another is not being good enough. Endings are good at making you feel like you’re not good enough. That you’ll never be good enough. That you just can’t reach that certain something…
A few days ago my friend Meghan reblogged this article written by Anna Bashkova and reading through it gave my heart a pang. I’m not the type of person who likes to openly hurt myself; I am no masochist. So it is not very often I try to think about my past. Sure, I’ve learned from my choices and the people who have come and gone throughout my life, but to actively consider these things every day? Not a chance. However, when those rare occasions happen — and they are bound to through social media postings, run-ins, and flashes of memory — it is sometimes hard to connect my current self with the former.
I have been in love twice. For some of you reading this post, this is old news. I’ve spoken about these loves in bits of Peonies ‘n Mint (okay, so maybe more than “bits”), and as you might know, I loved these two with my whole being. I even accepted a ring at one point. Thinking about how strongly I felt about these two people brings back a lot of mixed emotions. At the time of our romances, they were each my world. I loved them and a future together was all I could imagine. Looking back, though, I remember feeling that a future was set but I cannot always remember why I felt that way. Too often hurt feelings and sad memories block this aspect, the why did I see a future, and I’m left clinging to the reflections, dazed and confused. Then I read Anna’s post, and most specifically the Elizabeth Gilbert quote she used as an introduction, and it was as if a light was shone on these moments…