With the abundance of time the world seems to be allowing me, I’ve been taking time in the mornings to meditate. This meditation has been crucial for my overall mental well-being during this challenging year. I’ve been searching my soul, talking with God, and reflecting on my well-being with deeper intention. I am a firm believer that my purpose on Earth is to share God’s grace and become the best reflection of His goodness as possible. My morning meditations have been eye-opening to areas I see a need for more effort and work to reach the ideal person I wish to become.
Everyone has a starting point. They are different for everyone, but we all have one.
My current “starting point” began in December 2019 and took several months to inch my way to that actual starting line.
After attending several get-togethers where my sole focus should have been the festivities of the holiday, I was having a difficult time being unselfish. Unselfish in the sense that my mind was always recirculating to myself. My body. My weight.
This past winter I heard an acquaintance whisper, “Wow, she really let herself go,” as she walked away from me after a friendly exchange near the plus-size clothing section at Kohl’s. Our quick exchange was filled with hugs, smiles, and an introduction to her boyfriend. It was a turning point for me. Only moments before I had a little breakdown in the fitting room as a pair of sized 16 jeans lay on the floor, unable to get over my bum. It took several minutes to stop my tears and pull myself away from the corner where I sat, cringing away from my reflection.
Before I dive into my past health journey, I’d like to begin by stating my honest feeling about body image, weight, and self-esteem:
The number on my scale is how much I weigh. That number matters in terms of health reasons, but beyond that it is simply a number. That number does not represent my happiness, my joy, how pretty I am, how fun I am, how others view me, or what my God thinks of me. That number does not justify my personality or my identity.
I love who I am as a person. When I look at my life, I am beyond grateful for all my blessings: my husband, my faith, my family, my pup, my home, my career, my tribes, and so much more. I believe I am a good person who cares not only about her loved ones but also those in my world I have never met. I look at Life with a positive attitude and thank the Lord for every second He allows me to experience it.
A key component of Uncorking Peonies will be covering topics concerning my health. Moving forward, I plan to cover topics on taking control of my nutrition, exploring exercises I can sustain and perform regularly, and researching how to help my body feel (and look) its best. I’m referring to this newest approach in my health journey as “the re-claiming of my badash attitude.” I want to love myself, inside and out, as much as I love every other aspect of my life, and the journey to this goal begins today.