Guest Post: Hillary on “Why I Don’t Do Online Dating”

I am both excited and honored to have Peonies ‘n Mint’s first guest post be from the ever-wonderful Hillary at an oklahoma girl. Hillary and I were discussing her love life recently (because we’re at that level of blogosphere friendship) and she was recanting the demise of online dating in her life. From someone who has posted about online dating and dating apps in the past, I asked if she’d be willing to share her story on PNM for all of you to enjoy. She was more than happy to oblige!

We all have our own dating horror stories. Perhaps they are not through the Internet or apps, but they’re creepy nonetheless. So don’t get down when your love life seems to be one devastating date after the other. Take it from Hillary — we’ve all been there!

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To the Guy I Thought I’d Grow Old With

A few days ago my friend Meghan reblogged this article written by Anna Bashkova and reading through it gave my heart a pang. I’m not the type of person who likes to openly hurt myself; I am no masochist. So it is not very often I try to think about my past. Sure, I’ve learned from my choices and the people who have come and gone throughout my life, but to actively consider these things every day? Not a chance. However, when those rare occasions happen — and they are bound to through social media postings, run-ins, and flashes of memory — it is sometimes hard to connect my current self with the former.

I have been in love twice. For some of you reading this post, this is old news. I’ve spoken about these loves in bits of Peonies ‘n Mint (okay, so maybe more than “bits”), and as you might know, I loved these two with my whole being. I even accepted a ring at one point. Thinking about how strongly I felt about these two people brings back a lot of mixed emotions. At the time of our romances, they were each my world. I loved them and a future together was all I could imagine. Looking back, though, I remember feeling that a future was set but I cannot always remember why I felt that way. Too often hurt feelings and sad memories block this aspect, the why did I see a future, and I’m left clinging to the reflections, dazed and confused. Then I read Anna’s post, and most specifically the Elizabeth Gilbert quote she used as an introduction, and it was as if a light was shone on these moments…

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The Year I Grew Up: A Talk of Faith & Faults

Today is my 24th birthday, but before you feel the obligation to wish me a happy day of birth, let me stop you. There is no need. I’ve walked into today with no feelings of excitement or anticipation. Instead, I look at it as just another day in the routine of life.

Now, I’m not saying this with any sort of disdain or ill-feelings towards my birthday. I am glad that I was born, after all. As every year passes, the special ambiance once felt as a child regarding my birthday dwindles. The presents become more scarce, their usefulness more logical, and becoming another year older just means you’ve gained more experience than what you had last year.

This experience is the only reason I have a spark of enthusiasm as my age ticks another number higher. This past year was one for the books. I had so many new experiences and unexpected twists and turns as a 23-year-old that I look back over the last year and marvel at the person molded before me in the mirror.

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A Short Study on Sweet Solitude

In reference to this study, the word “alone” will be defined in terms of an intimate and romantic relationship, not as being completely and utterly with one’s self.

I have never been a person who has enjoyed her solace and aloneness up until the past few months. However, ever since Army and I broke up, I have felt this calmness in myself when I think of being alone. I don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings, I don’t have to schedule my days around someone else, and I can completely focus on myself and the things that make me happy. If I had still been in a relationship, I would never have forced myself into new situations (like Ultimate, House, or going out of my way to make new friends). I feel comfortable in my aloneness. It suits me, at least for now.

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I Am Good Enough

Today is the first day of summer and guess what is on my mind? It is not the fortune of having incredibly beautiful weather or the sweet freshness of snacking on Michigan cherries or even the enjoyment of partaking in a wine festival with lovely people surrounding me. No, my mind is too consumed with myself. My mind is noticing the slight peeling on my legs from last weekend’s sunburn and focusing on how I’ll never be that sun-kissed tan girls desire. It is cringing at my size compared to the women walking by and analyzing every inch of my body with skepticism. It’s criticizing every movement I make, every step I take, and every thought I have. No, my first day of summer has not been one of relaxation and excitement… but I do not plan for any other day of the year to be like this.

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Reminiscing on Love Lost

You guys know this story well enough from me: breaking up sucks. I never much thought about how much it would hurt while I was in my relationship with X, but now I know. It is even worse when you’re still in love with the person and you realize you need to break up. It’s not always because you’re not in love anymore, you know?

A dear friend of mine is on the verge of sparking her relationship again with her ex (for the ninetieth time), and though many can see how perfectly wrong he is for her, I also understand where her mind is right now. I’ve been there. I considered getting back with X, remember back to some of my May posts? For some reason though I saw the errors of my thinking before I acted, thought better of why we broke up to begin with, and decided to look towards my future as a strong individual rather than depend on someone else for my happiness. I moved on. Now I am the most independent I have ever been, I love my life entirely, and I am surrounded by fantastic people who tell me my worth daily. It  amazes me to look back and reminisce on the love I’ve lost and the loves I’ve gained…

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10 Reasons I’m Happy

Happiness. It’s the term I most often use when asked what I am looking for in life. A loving partner, a meaningful purpose, a high-paying job, and endless world travel are also some things that come to mind, however all of these are means to that ultimate end: happiness.

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20 Things Not To Do After a Break Up

If there’s one thing that we all know, it’s that breakups suck. The hardest part is, no matter what side of the break up you’re on, the effects will eventually hit you and it won’t be pretty. It’s up to you how you choose to handle your sad feelings, and there are many options from which to choose. In hindsight, I may not have chosen the best options every day after my break ups, but now I’m all the wiser and able to provide some insight (along with the helpful suggestions from conversations with my friends) on 20 things you definitely should not do while navigating a break up.

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Staying Adrift in a Sea of Compliments

“If you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die by his criticism.” -Cornelius Lindsey

I think every girl goes through a phase where she hits rock bottom in the “self esteem” department. For some this phase is during those awkward middle school years, or perhaps during her first few relationships. For others the phase may stretch into her adulthood and not only detriment the majority of her relationships, but also her career and social life. Still, others may never truly overcome their low self esteem and live in a fear of never being enough for their entire life.

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